The one website everyone on earth should visit

This is honestly the best thing I have ever seen on the web.

Feeling as if you want to dig yourself a hole is one thing. Doing that, and equiping it with internet access is another thing altogether. Wow. What a hole. What an amazing person. Isn't life julst scrumdidlyumptuous?

Which digital camera to buy?

I was going to write an impassioned plea on the legalisation of marijuana. But that's boring. What I discovered today was the definitive argument for VERY high resolution digital cameras.

Next time you hear someone say "two megapixels is way more than enough", think again. I got a hot shot camera. Many megapixels. And because of that, we were able to discover the most wonderful thing this afternoon. There, in perfect high resolution thanks to our high quality camera, hiding in the background of a picture of us in silly hats, was an UBERBABE:



Now the arguments go both ways. Did we really want to be reminded of the fact that we didn't get to see her? But then again, we'd never have gotten to see her if it wasn't for high resolution. Amen.

This really works... sort of

Ok, so we just got home, and the fridge is EMPTY. And man, do I have the munchies... so what did we do... ladies and gentlemen, I firmly believe, we have made the world's first hot chocolate snackwitch!

We only had bread, and hot chocolate powder, so we put the powder sandwich in the snackwitch toaster... IT MELTS! It's like hot chocolate spread on bread! Wonderful! And I'm convinced a world first.

Whaddayamean it's halfway through APRIL?! On the road for weed.

It's not my fault that I can't manage money. I blame it on my parents. They left me with more than I'm supposed to have. I often feel bad about it. Other people work hard for 40 hours of the week to pay the bills. I'd have to work hard just to spend the interest on the trust fund. I know statements like these will alienate a lot of you, but the point is that this is a personal site too. And I reserve the right to waffle. I've felt the resentment that some strange people harbour. I understand it, but I can't apologise for my position for the rest of my life. So I'll say it once here, and get it over with. I got left a lot of money. I never worked hard for it. I don't have to work. I'm not sure how I contribute to the world. I'm a lazy brat. But it's fun. And I've learnt that I can't care about other people's opinions in this regard, or I'll spend the rest of my life in misery. (Note to self - Levi's current batch makes me dour)

Ok, where was I...

Oh, I was going to apologise for leaving with no notice. But it was one of those stoned spur of the moment decisions that make life truly wonderful. Who'd have thought that some late night web surfing and the statement "Holy shit dudes, we can buy tickets to a Bloc Party concert on this web site" would end four of us up in Amsterdam for two weeks? I've never been to Amsterdam. Or I went, and can't remember. Now this is not a site about travel, but my darlings, I can certainly say that I have learnt a lot about the one thing that we have in common - WEED.

There are certain qualifications that one needs to get into the weed circle in Amsterdam. In our case, smoking ten blunts a day for a week in a little bar down the road from our hotel was what got us the nod. I can't say if this was a good or a bad thing. I'm glad I saw it all, but I will forever be disappointed by the quality of weed in this country from now on. When these guys grow weed, it looks like THIS:



Beautiful, sticky wet buds with lethal dosages of our beloved THC. One drag and you're stoned for a day. I promise. I was (sort of) there. But there's light at the end of the tunnel. We're lazy brats, but we're not idiots. And we knew we'd been sent there by the gods who govern improbable stoned events to learn. Two bags of seed and all the know how in the world, and we'll soon be growing this kind of stuff on our own shores. We hope. Gods we pray.

This is the inside of a little hut where some of the weed used in Amsterdam coffee shops is grown:



It's easy to read up on cultivation techniques online. But the technology employed in the good hot houses is incredible. And unfortunately expensive. There's a lot to be said for simple hydroponics, lighting and fans, but without the right care in the initial phases to remove male plants (our seeds are guaranteed female only somehow) you're already heading for a dud batch. But again, I digress. So here, along with the thought that we'll be spreading the know how soon, is a wonderful picture that will bring many a man to his knees:



Eat your heart out my brethren. And we'll speak to you soon.

It was always only a matter of time

We're not a newsblog, but we always knew it was just a matter of time before marijuana was decriminalised in the Western Cape. As was approved yesterday by parliament, the drug will be farmed on farms such as ours:

by farmers who are issued licenses by the Department of Health.

In a press release issued in Tshwane (now to be called G//oah!nsi, after the council has reverted to using the original khoisan name for the area after an appellation) the Deputy Minister expressed "great joy and euphoria". In a simultaneous statement, it was decided to make Cape Town the legislative and executive capital of the country (henceforth to be known as !Xondeeee).

We'll be applying for a license for our farm shortly. This could be the start of something wonderful.

How to bake a space cake - PART 1

Seeing as we're going to be doing it, we might as well teach you all how:

You can really make any cake you like, as long as it contains butter. Many experiments, however, have led us to deduce that chocolate cake is the best bet. Why? Because it's the one cake that can be made decadently "wet" and moist. The last thing you want is a dry, spongy cake when your mouth is already dry. In order to do this, we need good ingredients.

The first step, of course, to making a nice space cake is having nice weed or hash. We'll assume you're a regular Joe, and only have weed at your disposal. If the quality of your weed is not great (it's very dry, and not sticky) simply use more. It is incidentally a bit of a fallacy that something like weed tea exists. THC (our hero ingredient) is not soluble in water. It'll generally just stick to the leaves.

So step one, making weed butter. This is the most important part of the whole process, so we take it rather seriously. This is the best way to make it:

1. half fill a big pot with water
2. Add 2 blocks of unsalted butter
3. Add lotsa weed (smaller flowers and leaves - save the big guys for special occasions)
4. Slowly start to simmer VERY GENTLY for an hour. Do not boil. Too high a temperature will destroy some of the active cannaboids!
5. Pop it in the fridge overnight, and let it cool.
6. The butter will sit on top, and most of the water and weed will have sunk to the bottom.
7. Lift out the butter, leaving the water and remaining weed in the pot
8. Place the butter in a dishcloth or something, wrap it up, and squeeze it until no more water runs out.
9. Viola

Now the cake we like to bake is a double chocolate coca-cola layer cake. All make your butter now, and we can bake the cake with it tomorrow.

Weapons of mass seduction - so close

We've decided that Rox's challenge is unfair. She's a hot babe. We're guys. She's going to win no matter what she wears. So we asked one of our better looking mates if she'd help us in the challenge. This is the reaction we got:


So much then, for that one. But for completeness' sake, we were going to make her wear this leis (of course, only this leis) as a top:

We firmly believe that this would have put us in the top spot. In fact, we're still fantasising about it.

If the rules allow, we'd still like to enter just the thought of it as our entry for round two. And no, she doesn't have a boyfriend. But then again, do you really want to be with a girl who WON'T wear a weed leis for you.

How to surf the web

This is what surfing is all about: Communing with the sea. Experiencing it in its fullest, at its finest. Like a surfer once told me "You've got to be, like, one with the sea man."

And that, in the humble doobskyf's opinion, is what truly surfing the web should be like. Take the time to do it properly, and you will discover the most amazing, uncharted and interesting places that will amaze you every time. The way it's done is simple. You have to follow one link from the page you're on, and take it from there. If it's a dead end, you have to click the back button, and go on from there.

Just to demonstrate, we'll take you along a surfing trip. So take off those shoes, light up a fat one, and join us for the ride:

• All surfing should start with a search engine. You can choose. Doesn't really matter. We like google because we believe it'll give us the most options.That and the fact that we now have a local .co.za one. This is the most important part of the search, as it determines the kind of sites you'll be surfing. We usually go for something random. Today, we went for something we know little about, and have decided to delve into the world of street sweepers.
• Entering "street sweeper" into Google is already fun. The search results are already so much more than we could ever have hoped for. The links themselves already reveal incredible tidbits to wet the appetite, like bostonsweeper, a site that automatically mails you when the streetsweeper will be coming to your road, because (note to self, learnt something here) Boston residents get fined if their cars are parked in the road when the streetsweeper comes. Or even better, this site that reveals that "street sweeper" is rap slang for a high powered assault rifle.
• We went for this one, a surefire winner. Already, (depending on what you've got to smoke) you should be rolling in the isles. This guy makes art from streetsweeper bristles! He actually collects them (because he has to clean them!) and then makes these gourds. Oh my goodness. This could be too much. But we must delve deeper into the web. What do people who buy gourds made of streetsweeper bristles do? What are their interests? We have to find out...
• We realise that the site we're on is that of Home and Garden television. Wonderful. Let's head to the "entertaining" section to see how their target audience should entertain... We want to learn how to... ah... throw a party! And for our party, we choose to throw a SPECTACULAR BASH. Wow. So much for apapop's lingerie girls. We'll never be able to have a party without a garbage bag ghost:

Maybe we just have different ideas in this country of what the words "spectacular bash" mean! But we're getting lost in this site of great entertaining knowledge, we have to move on, we have to surf...

• So on then... but wait... distraction again. The thought enters our minds... if the above garbage bag ghost is their idea of a "spectacular bash", what on earth will this site have for us under "moneysaving ideas"!!?
• Oh dear. Oh gods. This is too much to handle. There it is. A winner. We know it already. How can we not follow the link to "CREATING FUNKY JUNK". And there you have it kids. We love the "Adhere magnets to the sole of an old shoe to use as a pencil holder" idea:

And I have no idea why we never thought of decorating our home with old ties tied to a curtain rod:

This is too much. Maybe we're classist. Then again, maybe they're all rednecks. Let's get out of here before we start taking up origami to decorate our bedrooms.

And the surfing needn't end here. But we're hungry now. And we'll be back later. So for the time being, why not post your own incredible SURF experience here. We remember our best ever surf that ended us up here.

I did it for you.

I hope you're all having a fantastic holiday. I got woken from an incredible slumber with an emergency phonecall. I HAD TO GO IN TO WORK! Now I don't know if you've ever been to work stoned before. I haven't. Too much responsibility. Too many clients. Way too scary.

But this morning it had to happen. There was no option. They don't sell medication to get your brain into normal gear.

Better yet, I pulled it off. In fact it was quite fun. But only because the client was quite hung over as well. He understood. I don't understand how people can go to work stoned. Unless they work in Pizza places, or ABSA.

Doobskyf (this site's new name... the guy at doob.blogspot.com is just way too twisted and strange for us to want to associate with him. Unless we're all stoned. In which case it wouldn't matter. We'd have to get some poison from the durbzblog guys to make it through a conversation with him though)... sidetracked again. I WAS saying that we're sponsoring a chocolate coca-cola cake for the winner of Rox's "Weapons of mass seduction" contest. Personally, we're just hoping it goes to the next level. Rox looks like a fox (that dress really does work). Besides, we've got some nice doobskyf hotties littering my dining room floor who'll look damn fine dressed in some sparse leaves. Any excuse to try to take pictures of them half naked is much appreciated.

I leave you with an object of desire. A beautiful, loving creation that will take you days to make, or will haunt your dreams forever. This is a pumpkin bong. Huge inside area, nice sweet taste. But what makes it a winner is of course the chip holder section in the top.



Yea, we know. Do you really want one? Maybe we can sponsor another competition!

NOW for a real holiday.

Love you all.

Blunts vs Joints - what to do for easter?

Am I being serious? Really, I mean, is it possible to write about blunts and joints and bongs and weed combinations and still take yourself seriously? Of course not! Who'd want to take themselves seriously!

So it's a long weekend. We've decided to spend the afternoon getting our party ready. And we opted for blunts rather than joints. What are they? A blunt is a joint rolled inside a cigar leaf/wrapper...

Why blunts rather than joints this easter?

1. The tobacco leaf wrapping slows down the speed that the joint burns at. This means more people can share it, and pass it around more often
2. It holds a hell of a lot more dope than a joint
3. It looks like a cigar (legal where I stay), and you can stick it in your pocket for takeaways
4. Nicotine is an upper. It rocks with weed.
5. It just looks kinda classy. Takes away a little from the somewhat silly image some people have of joints and smokers
6. MOST IMPORTANTLY: It goes so nicely with chocolate. We've assembled a selection of those white Beacon chicken eggs, and a couple of boxes of marshmallow eggs.

Have a very happy Easter chaps!

Somwhat stoned!

Pick up tactics. Your foolproof guide!

Rox is running a contest relating to weapons of mass seduction. Because we think she's hot, and partly because we like promoting ourselves, we have decided to enter!

Seducing a guy is easy. The girls at doob just show guys their bush:



Whereas the guys here generally just resort to the caveman notion, grab them by the hair, and hit them over the head with a club, like these:



If that doesn't work, we use the club again, to give them a hit. Foolproof. Especially if you can cook. We like chocolate and peppadew cakes.

Here is our little baby. When we first ordered her seed online ($3.50 per seed nogal), we thought we'd never get her to flourish into a young adult. But here she is. Shy, pink, and ripe for the picking.



In a week or so, we shall be able to sample of her bosom. Can't wait. It's like cooking your own food, or writing your own book. It's just so much more meaningful when you do it yourself. I think there's something Rastafarian in that. I'll ask Levi next time I see him (which at the current rate of consumption will probably be tomorrow).

Not stoned for this post